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.Roses are black.
Haha,pardon my blurness....I didn't know we were able to invite others to publish in our blogs.Till Tongsi sent me an email inviting me...=)
Haha,should be fun....think it'll be quite interesting with to people blogging in one... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A little verse from Our Daily Bread... I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;I will counsel you and watch over you. Psalm 32:8 ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Incidentally,it was very appropriate with the changing(again) of education policies about the Prelims and O levels... I can't be bothered to retype it.The library's super cold!Plus...recess is almost here...=) Details at icetongs.blogspot.com.... Or the 'Tongsi' under 'fellow bloggers'... People may say I have pretty much of a very split personality...Some people say I'm carefree,happy-go-lucky and childlike.Others would say I think too much,mature and far from carefree...honestly,I don't know.. But there was one little childlike fanasty that I've harboured from my primary school days...all the way to my secondary years.. I have never been a wonderful student in school,far from it.If the prized pupils in school were the cream of the cake...I would be,the plate?The very bottom of the beautifully iced cake,being squashed and overshadowed by the rest of the "cake".I've even got my name noted down on this little black book,I assumed they had to note down the potential "weaker lot" in school and also to monitor my grades. Nonetheless,I surprised them all by even getting into MGS secondary...Being pretty famous in the MGS staffrooms,I guessed word must have spread like wildfires that I have gotten in... Almost 4 years have passed since the day I received my PSLE results,and now..I'm to sit for my O levels in the end of the year to determine where I would be going after I graduate. Ever since I was a little kid,I set my mind on carrying on my studies in ACJC,partially becoz it was a tradition that most MGS girls are expected to go to ACJC,and also becoz my dad have gone there before.But secretly,deep down...I wanted to get into ACJC so I could proof to them all that I could make it.But last year,realisation hit that my grades were atrociously bad.Ok,maybe not that bad...but certainly not good enough for ANY junior college to accept me,let alone ACJC.So now,I've set my sights in a polytechnic...and I'm thinking of either Ngee Ann or Temesek.Temesek poly seems to have more courses which I'm interested in...but the distance!Argh...I juz don't know.. However,the saddest thing is not that I don't know where I'd be going after this... But that the little childish fanasty I've had of strutting up the stage to collect my certificate and shaking the principal's hand in the ACJC blazer is gone...like a thick,white shroud covering my little dream.A dream which I dare not uncover ever again... 0o0 I borrowed a book entitled "A Friend in Need" by Selwyn Hughes from Lester.. I guess,as I read through the book...its partially helped me to understand the behaviour of people,therefore knowing how to help them better.But I guess,this book has also helped me... It would be hard to exaggerate the dangers of selfpity.That a man should look so long and intently at his troubles that he becomes a martyr to them,is one of the most distressing conditions into which a human being can fall.What causes people to succumb to selfpity?Is it just a question of temperment?Were they born melancholic and will they remain that way until they die? Sensitive people,are the most prone to selfpity.This is because they are easily hurt.Unless they recongnise that ability to feel deeply is really God's equipment to feel deeply for others,they will become trapped into a miserable mood of compliant,and whine and whimper their days away.Selfpity turns molehills into mountians.Trivialities assume tremendous proportions.Inconveniences become great trials.A man or woman obsessed with selfpity can pass through a hospital ward filled with the bodies of those suffering from the direst diseases,and come out complaining of a slight headache.The whole set of their thinking and emotional tone of their life-style is blue,and everything dipped into it comes out with that dye.When the weather us hot they wish it was cold.When it is cold,they wished it hot.They study all events to find a dark side.If they don't find it,they invent one. But how do we overcome it?What steps can we take to rid ourselves of this ugly weed in our soul?Selfpity is an emotion-a capacity to feel things and feel them deeply.The word "emotion" implies a movement outwards.Pity,therefore...should go to others.When we keep our eyes on Christ and try to follow his example,we catch sight of the fact that living as we do in a love-hungry and pity-provoking world,it is not Christian to expend pity onto ourselves.Keep in mind that pity is perverted when it is turned inward and turned into selfpity. The secret then,of overcoming selfpity is a mind that is centered on God and on His Son Jesus Christ.With this attitude all the hard disciplines in life can be accepted in courage,and through God's love,turned into an advantage.To moan about life's seeming misfortunes dishonours God by implying that he is mismanaging his world and doesn't care about what happens to his creation.Begin to unselfishly turn your sensitivity to sympathy and compassion for others.Radiate good cheer,thrust your shoulder under someone esle's burden and learn the joy that comes from serving the Kings of kings.. -------------------------------------------------- what's the difference between a MOANER and a WHINER? I'm not very sure either,and I'm not really intending to check out the definations in the dictionary. But I guess,a moaner is a one who purposefully finds things to moan and groan about..and like the extract from the book said if study all events to find a dark side and if there isn't any,they'll invent one. A whiner,simply whines about anything and everything.In a way,a whiner is more simple minded than a moaner.Of course,you can always be both.. Self pity has been a big part of me in my life.It seems that my life juz isn't good enough in comparison to others,and selfpity became more and more like a fren to me over the years..And many a times I could juz wrap myself up so deep in selfpity that it almost seems to comfort me. Well,I guess after last year...I sort of decided that God has a calling for each and everyone of us,and I'm not glorifying or edifidying Him in anyway by my constant moaning. As a result,I channeled the energy initially used for moaning and selfpity towards listening more to others.I don't know if it was coinsidental(mind my spelling) or simply becoz I've never bothered to see,but God seemed to start throwing stuff and me.Stuff happened in school,and some other places...and in each situation God provided me with someone I could care and pray for.Amusing thing was,some people weren't even close to me at first...But as I saw them in the situation,I could juz feel what they went through,and the emotions and hurt running through them.But I'm seriously not a speaker,I cannot speak words of encouragement or comfort...and things I intend to say somehow juz gets muddled up.In short,I juz don't have a gift in words...=) Some people I talk to also intend to have this constant dark,gloomy mood...And I felt that I was juz wasting my time trying to talk to these people.afterall,its ultimately their choice,and what they want to do about it.And for awhile,their constant dark,gloomy mood actually passed on to me..or perhaps it was becoz I felt so useless that I could feel deeply on how they were feeling...but juz couldn't do anything about it.At that time I wished I'd never had such a sudden awareness of others.. I may never be able to change how everyone esle thinks...but I beileve that hey,God has put me there for a reason...and therefore,it gives me the reason to be joyful in serving Him by spurring fellow brothers and sisters along with Christ,such as how many have done to me before.. 0o0 As the title suggests,I went to watch Son of the Mask with Daniel,Aaron and Yuliang today after church at Plaza Singapura... Hahaha...the show was super funny...some parts were rather freaky,like when the mask fuses on to the person or the dog,and when the bad guy called Loki transforms into his uglier self... Overall,wasn't a very wonderful movie...and some parts weren't actually HAHAHA funny,but it was entertaining enough..the baby's super cute! On our way out of PS,we saw the people having some rockclimbing competition...The wall wasn't vertical,but tilted in such a way that its harder to climb.In addition,there were very few knobs to grab on too.During the time we stood and watched,no one was able to get past the half the wall...I suppose it was rather tough... 0o0 3His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 4Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. 1 peter 1:3-4 ------------------------------------------------------------------------- Today,Charis gave me my pay from Penang Place..I worked once during the holidays,attempt to earn juz abit of cash during the holidays.But when I opened the envelope,surprisesurprise...I received twice the amount I was supposed to receive,$36(my pay's supposed to be $18 per shift)... That's strange,i'm sure I only worked once during the hols... Unless,the extra was from the previous time I worked? Or...Auntie Hannah miscalculated? oh btw,Charis's family owns the restuarant...Auntie Hannah and Uncle Paul...are my supposed 'Bosses" and Leonard,the manager...he's a guy from Charis's church... Haha,I actually comtemplated to juz sign the slip and keep the money... Maybe,it WAS from my previous pay? Maybe,maybe,maybe....I thought,as I tried to convince myself the money was rightfully mine... But one part of me said to give the envelope back to Charis and let Auntie Hannah check.. Well,so after awhile...I told Charis to pass it back to her mom to double check... As I think back...it would have been so easy to juz sign the slip,keep the cash and pass the signed slip back to charis.Charis is rather....blur,and she wouldn't notice anything... And I would have been $18 richer... And I really need money right now,since I stopped working and have no flow of income...and the money I saved up during the holidays for school allowance is running low... But then again,if Auntie Hannah,Uncle Paul and Leonard would have found out that I kept the money... Especially after they've been so nice to me,I feel rather bad...and I probably won't be able to work there anymore... Plus,the guilt!!!I'd rather starve!! Furthermore,even if I gave up this extra bit of cash...God's my Jehovah Jireh,and he will provide... ~The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out Proverbs 10:9~ 0o0 My school sent us to watch a classical concert,on the 19th of March. It was by the Singapore National Youth Orchestra,at the Victoria Concert Hall.Some of the MGSians were performing too... I didn't know we were supposed to arrive and be sitted 15mins before time(the concert started at 7.30pm)...So I reached the place at 7.20pm.Thankfully,I wasn't the only ones arriving late..and I didn't get locked out of the hall till the intervel or something... I felt rather unwilling to go for the concert,as I missed the Planet Shakers concert at East Coast..which was the same time as the classical concert.But as I heard the Orchestra play the different musical pieces...and have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed myself... I'm not any big fanatic of classical music or anything...and haven't been actually brought up in a musical family(I did take up the piano when I was young though...but quit learning when I was 12 as I wasn't any good at it),but I really enjoyed the music,the emotions potrayed from the composer and played out by the volinist..etc.They were really very good...and the music,was so rich and vivid that it was really a very enriching experience. Its been said that music is therapeutic(mind my spelling)...and I really felt so refreshed after the concert.. During the classical orchestra concert...I felt as if I was looking into a person's life...experiencing the emotions and colours of the composer himself...There were light hearted,happy pieces...and there were deep,dark pieces which were well-composed and written right from the heart that you could actually feel the raw emotion of saddness,loneliness and anguish... Indeed,music can alter moods and talk to you... 0o0 I thought I would be late for the meeting,it usually takes about 1hour to get to Bukit Batok from Thomson...and we were supposed to meet at West Mall at 5.45pm,and I left the house at 5pm.Which means,I'll most likely be little bit late,and I HATE BEING LATE.... Then,I called Ashley,apparently he wanted to know the meeting time... "Hey Dawn,what time are we supposed to meet?" "5.45pm?" "Oh dear...you mean it isn't 5.30pm?argh,I'm super early..." "hahaha....don't worry Ashley,its better to be early than late..." Then,after awhile...Woei Xi smsed me...'Hey Dawn,we're to meet at 6.30pm rite?' Oh dear,I thought...as I quickly replyed back to her,that it was supposed to be 5.45pm,not 6.30pm... At 5.30pm,Diana called.... "Hey Dawn,when are we supposed to meet?" "erm....5.45pm?" "Oh dear,I think I'll be rather late....I'm still in school!" "School??!!Oh my...you are really late!Don't worry Diana,we'll wait for you..." See,her school's waayyyy at the other end of the island...haha... well,surprises of surprises...I arrived at Bukit Batok at excatly 5.45pm...and our dear group leader,Lester...was late..=)When he arrived,we decided to head down to west mall's food court to eat,and wait for woei xi and Diana at the same time... When we finished dinner,we headed down to Coffee Bean coz WoeiXi wanted to get a drink... Jaime bought honey sticks for us...^_^I love honey sticks... It was Ashley's first time having a honey stick...and was having trouble biting a hole on it... "Bite the end of the stick with your molars!"I instructed,as he futilely grawled all over the honey stick... The Good news-After awhile,he did manage to make a hole in the stick... The Bad news-He was biting it so much that the honey squirted out at the other end of the honey stick..and oozed onto his arm and the floor...Oh dear.. At Lester's house... Went through the stuff in the booklets,and learned difference in the Carnel man,a person has God in his life,but doesn't let Him direct it..and a man who lets God direct him... Faith and Facts...which is more important?Jaime explained that Facts are more important of the two.You can have blind Faith,and beileve in anything..and having blind faith will sway you away from Jesus Christ easily.But if you have the Facts,and you know the right Facts...only then you'll be able to have the right Faith... When we ended off,Lester's mom cooked red bean for us... We had a amusing time guessing Lester from Linus in the baby photos(they're twins)...They look so cute when they're young!Oh well,then again...all babies are cute when they're young... Jaime:"That's Lester!The fatter one is Lester!" Junming:"That one looks older...that's Lester!" Me:"No,that one looks younger...that's Linus!" Then,when we asked Lester which was which...he said,"I dunno..." Lester also lent us some christian books.. I borrowed one on spiritual gifts and another titled,"helping a friend in need". He said,"Yeah,you'll need that...".Later,when I asked him why...he said that because I've got a lot of friends who need help.. Oh well..I'm afraid what I've shared with you guys before is juz the tip of the iceberg... 0o0 Oh wow...one of my primary school classmates,Jean,juz talked to me on MSN...she went to australia to study! I still remember,we were best friends in Pri 1 to 6...but at that time,kids had lots of best frens...=) But during our PSLE year,I juz scraped through into MGS(which I thought was a huge miracle for me...),whereas Jean didn't and went to Assumption English Secondary school... In our first year(secondary one)....we attempted to keep in contact,but after awhile...I guess the staying power ran out.. Its been 4 years since we were in MG primary....and I'm in my last year in MGS,gosh...as I looked back,time really flied.I'll be graduating end of this year,from MGS...a place where I've spent most of my time for 10 years...*shivers*,as I think about it,it seems really scary...and yet,exciting..the anticipation of where I will be in the years to come.. 4 years,I've changed...not really physically,some people still say I look like a 14 year old=).. Come to think of it,I've not only changed...in character,but have grown in the Lord in a way which I never would have thought possible 4 years ago.. 0o0 When you feel all alone And the world has turned it’s back on you Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you It’s hard to find relief and people can be so cold When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can’t take anymore Let me be the one you call If you jump I’ll break your fall Lift you up and fly away with you into the night If you need to fall apartI can mend a broken heart If you need to crash then crash and burn You’re not alone When you feel all alone And a loyal friend is hard to find You’re caught in a one way street With the monsters in your head When hopes and dreams are far away and You feel like you can’t face the day Let me be the one you call If you jump I’ll break your fall Lift you up and fly away with you into the night If you need to fall apart I can mend a broken heart If you need to crash then crash and burn You’re not alone And there has always been heartache and pain And when it’s over you’ll breathe again You’ll breath again When you feel all alone And the world has turned it’s back on you Give me a moment please To tame your wild wild heart Let me be the one you call If you jump I’ll break your fall Lift you up and fly away with you into the night If you need to fall apart I can mend a broken heart If you need to crash then crash and burn You’re not alone... -Savage Garden,crash and burn.. 0o0 Hmm,after YM on Sun..we waited for Diana and then headed down to Andrew's house for the BBQ... Before the BBQ,we played Risk...it was my first time playing risk.Since lots of pple didn't know how to play either,we decided to pair up.Diana and Michael,WoeiXi and Andrew,Lester and JunMing,Kenneth and Abraham and Ashley and I..it was really fun!Haha,we started forming allies with each other,and most of the time we ganged up against Lester.Partially becoz he was so overconfident that he'll win...=) Lester's tactic:Act super confident,convince pple that you've mastered the art of rolling double sixes.Then when luck turns against you..."Hey guys,let's form an alliance!!!"Hahaha... Andrew was super devious...set truces with practically everybody,then break it in the end.Haiz,He promised not to attack us...but he did!But amusingly Ashley and I was able to roll sixes on the dices,so...Andrew lost(Ha Andrew,that's wad you get for betraying pple...=)) Michael and Diana's army got wiped out first... We didn't get to finish the game...but Lester and JunMing won,coz they owned the most areas...Haha,Risk is such a scheming game man... We carried the food down to the BBQ pit..The guys started the fire and the girls helped poke the sticks through the food(Those crabsticks were COLD!!!).. We all chipped in in helping to cook the food,but Junming did most of it.Junming's a really great guy,he doesn't strive to be really high profile..and quietly works and does stuff for pple.I guess he's the type which pulls the stuff together,really helpful and sweet.JunMing and Abraham would probably have went on BBQing everything if we hadn't shooed them off to eat. The crabstick was yummy... Chicken was REALLY Yummy... I loved the garlic bread! No,actually,I think everything was yummy.... Andrew's parents were really sweet,bought the BBQ foodstuff for us.. After BBQ,we went down to the tabletennis room to play tabletennis...It was my first time playing,so Diana,Jaime and the others taught me how to play.I've learnt that,1.you can't hit the ball too hard,or it'll fly somewhere esle..2.Watch where you hit! Junming,Diana,Abraham,Kenneth and I took turns playing.I guess along the way,we abandoned the rules and started playing badminton with the pingpong ball.We ended up laughing more than we played=)...It was really fun.Micheal and Ashley were throwing a hard rubber ball(squash ball?) across the tabletennis table,so it was kinda like a two way game..every now and then you'll hear a loud SMASH,either the pingpong or the squash ball would hit the ceiling lights...thankfully,it didn't break,was probably used to rough handling... When we returned to Andrew's house,I played boggle with Jaime,Lester,Andrew and Joanna...they were really good.I really liked the game,didn't have the game at home...so I didn't have much experience in it.But it was fun,challenges you to think and look at stuff from different perspectives. At about 10pm+,we started to go home.. ------------------------------------------------- I really like my PCGM group,we really had alot of fun...and we've really bonded over the games and BBQs,as well as the other regular PCGM meetings..But we have yet to conduct a PCGM meeting when everyone is present.I guess it happens in other PCGM groups too...as people have different schedules from others,and different piorities... 0o0 I remember when Gilbert was driving me to the queenstown bus stop after prayer meeting...And this song was playing on the CD player. Indeed,how will my heart feel when I finally meed God face to face? How do we know that the life we're living now is pleasing to Him,and whether we're doing His Will for us?Will He say,"Well done,my good and faithful servent..",or will He turn away and say.."I do not know you.."? I can only imagine... -------------------------------------------------------------- I can only imagine what it will be like When I walk by your side I can only imagine what my eyes will see When your face is before me I can only imagine I can only imagine Surrounded by your glory What will my heart feel? Will I dance for you Jesus? Or in awe of you be still? Will I stand in your presence? Or to my knees will I fall? Will I sing Halelluja? Will I be able to speak at all? I can only imagine I can only imagine I can only imagine when that day comes And I find myself standing in the Son I can only imagine when all I will do Is forever, forever worship you I can only imagine I can only imagine Surrounded by your glory What will my heart feel? Will I dance for you Jesus? Or in awe of you be still? Will I stand in your presence? Or to my knees will I fall? Will I sing Halelluja? Will I be able to speak at all? I can only imagine, yeah I can only imagine I can only imagine, yeah, yeah, yeah Surrounded by your glory What will my heart feel? Will I dance for you Jesus? Or in awe of you be still? Will I stand in your presence? Or to my knees will I fall? Will I sing Halelluja? Will I be able to speak at all? I can only imagine, yeah I can only imagine, yeah, yeah I can only imagine, Yeah I can only imagine I can only imagine, Ohh yeah I can only imagine I can only imagine when all I will do is forever, forever worship you I can only imagine 0o0 Hard Times Is the rain falling from the sky Keeping you from singing Is that tear falling from your eye Because the wind is stinging Don't you fret now child,don't you worry The rain's to help you grow So don't try to hurry the storm along The hard times make you strong Don't you know the seed will never grow If there were never showers and though the rain might bring a little pain Just look at the flowers I know how long the day can seem When storm clouds hide His face And when the rain dissolves your dreams Just remember His amazing grace Don't you know the sun is always there Even when the rains fall Don't you know the Son will always care When He hears your voice call -------------------------------------------------------- Hey,this song is especially for Joanne Goh,Diana,Jo Huang Tian wen,Ashley,Timothy Lim,Junming and Gaberial(er...did I spell your name correctly=)?)...may you always know that God is never far away from you,it's whether you choose Him or not.Let your main focus be on God,and not for anything esle...^_^ Oh yes,and Kristal too!Even though you're all the way in Cornell...don't you worry or fret over anything... Whenever you go through the storms in your life...remember,the hard times makes you strong! 0o0 For those who don't know...Project Inkwell was a fundraiser for new library books.The Drama society(my CCA) is mostly in charge of it..So,yeah..the drama girls were put into groups and were to come up with games,short extractions from the plays...basically stuff based on a book of their choice.. As for my group,we used to belong to one huge group..But the group was too big,so the teacher-in-charge took 4 of us out and told us to do something based on a Shakespherian play. Well,have to say..at first,I thought we won't get anything done.We chose Merchant of Venice by the way...but my group members were originally rather unenthu about the whole thing.They didn't want to act and all that.But I guess,it was God's help that pulled everything together...And we got a short extract of the court room scene between Shylock and Portia done...as well as a little game based on the Portia's marriage lottery,the casket scene.. On the day itself,everything went abit messy.The places weren't properly assigned,we were unsure about the showtimes...But after awhile,it went pretty ok.. After Inkwell,we were all extremely exhuasted...my feet ached after walking all over the place.. Even though we were all really tired,Charis still wanted to go to Westmall for dinner.So,Tongsi,Charis,Janella(Charis's sister),Esther and I went to westmall.....and ate Sakae Sushi!Haha,that was the first time I ate there...I was always amused by the moving converyer belt of sushi,but ever got to eat there....its expensive.It was really enjoyable,Janella kept making weird faces...it struck me how much she looked like Timotheus.Its amazing how the Ooi family looks alike...they're all fair,tall,pretty(ok,in Timotheus's case...good looking) and all really outgoing and stuff(haha,except my dear Charis...who is,super quiet)..We ate alot,coz at Inkwell(8am-5pm)...we didn't excatlly have a proper lunch..Charis and Janella fought over which ice cream flavor to share(amusing pple,those two...)...The price went up to about,$40 something..including service charge and stuff.I used my netts card first,coz no one wanted to pay yet(hey,you guys better pay me back soon....you wiped out almost half my bank account..haha.) After that we walked around Westmall...Tongsi,Esther and I bought a pair of earrings each,and we probbed through This Fashion.Janella was trying to persuade Charis to buy her a shirt...=) We also stopped by Coffee Bean,coz Charis and Esther wanted to buy ice-blended drinks.. While walking around,Janella took a sip of Esther's latte and spat in on the floor(oh,the embarassment..),apparently...she said it tasted like Char Siew Pao..haha.The rest of us tried it...and they all agreed.Well,except Esther and I...(I really didn't taste any char siew pao!!) Reached home at about 11+pm....Got ready for bed,then drifted off to ZZzzz land.. ----------------------------------------------------------------- I like Janella,she's so funny...and fun to be with.She's the same age as my brother,10...but somehow,she's more fun to be around it.Maybe its becoz girls mature faster...that's wad I've heard.Either that,or my brother's juz super hyper. I wonder how it'll be like if I had a younger sister? Hmmm.... 0o0 "Corrie ten Boom lived through the hellish life of Nazi concentration camps—a place where hope was lost for most people. She survived to tell her story of unfaltering faith and tight-fisted hope in God. She saw the face of evil up close and personal. She saw some of the most inhumane acts man can do to man. And when she came out of it all, she said this: "If you look at the world, you'll be distressed. If you look within, you'll be depressed. But if you look at Christ, you'll be at rest." Where are you looking? Are you focusing on the world and its dangers? Are you gazing at yourself, hoping to find your own answers? Or are you looking to Jesus, the author and finisher of your faith? (Hebrews 12:1-2). In an uncertain world, we must keep looking to Him. —Dave Branon Looking to Jesus, my spirit is blest,The world is in turmoil, in Him I have rest;The sea of my life around me may roar,When I look to Jesus, I hear it no more. —Anon. When your world is falling apart, trust Jesus to hold it together." -taken from our daily bread. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I remember during the watchnight service,31/12/04.We sang the hymn,"It is well with my soul". The person who wrote the hymn,was travelling on a ship with his family.There was a huge storm,and the ship struck the rocks and his family died out at sea.He survived,but griefed his family's death bitterly.But afew years later,when he travelled past the same place many years ago...God came close to him,and he felt a tremedous sense of peace.Thus,he wrote the hymn,"It is well with my soul". What made me remember this hymn was becoz at that night I sang it,I wasn't at peace.My soul was disturbed,and troubled...I also dreaded the coming school year,which I've left off alot of loose ends. But now,everything has been pretty much stablised...and I can truely say, It is well...in my soul. "When I was a little girl, my mother gave me her prized "reader" to help me learn, just as it had helped her years earlier. I loved one particular story, never dreaming how much it would affect me years later.It was about a little boy with a small shovel. He was trying to clear a pathway through deep, new-fallen snow in front of his house. A man paused to observe the child's enormous task. "Little boy," he inquired, "how can someone as small as you expect to finish a task as big as this?" The boy looked up and replied confidently, "Little by little, that's how!" And he continued shoveling.God awakened in me the seed of that story at a time when I was recovering from a breakdown. I remember how my "adult" self taunted the weak "child" within me: "How can someone as inadequate as you expect to surmount so great a mountain as this?" That little boy's reply became my reply: "Little by little, that's how!" And I did overcome—by depending on God. But it was one small victory after another.The obstacles facing Israel as they considered claiming the land God had promised them must have seemed insurmountable. But He didn't ask them to do it all at once."Little by little" is the strategy for victory. —Joanie Yoder He does not lead me year by year, Nor even day by day; But step by step my path unfolds—My Lord directs my way. —Ryberg Trust God to move your mountain, but keep on climbing." ------------------------------------------------ The past month has been an emotional turmoil for me.Lots of things were bombarding me,one after another.But today,I'm pretty much stablised.One by one,each problem...I faced it,looked it in the eye...and battled it.At first,I felt that I couldn't...I was simply too unwise,too inadequate..Every night,I prayed fervently for wisdom and courage...to face what laid ahead of me... "An as I lay in her lap,she told me a story. "An-mei,"she whispered,"have you seen the turtle that lives in the pond?"I nodded.This was a pond in our courtyard and I often poked a stick in the still water to make the turtle swim out from underneath the rocks. "I also knew that turtle when I was a smallchild,"said my mother. "I sued to sit by the pond and watch him swimming to the surface,buiting the air with his little beak.He is a very old turtle." I could see that turtle in my mind and I knew my mother was seeing the same one. "This turtle feeds on our thoughts,"said my mother."I learned this one day,when I was your age,and Popo said I could no longer be a child.She said I could not shout,or run,or sit on the ground to catch crickets.I could not cry if I was disappointed.I had to be silent and liten to my elders.And if I did not do this,Popo said she would cut off my hair and send me to the place where Buddist nuns lived.That night,after Popo told me this,I sat by the pond,looking into the water.And because I was weak,I began to cry.Then I saw this turtle swimming to the top and his beak was eating my tears as soon as they touched the water.He ate them quickly,five,six,seven tears,then climbed out of the pond,crawled onto a smooth rock and began to speak. The turle said,'I have eaten your tears,and this is why I know your misery.But I must warn you.If you cry,your life will always be sad. Then the turtle opened his beak and out poured five,six,seven pearly eggs.The eggs broke open and from them emerged seven birds,who immediately began to chatter and sing.They were magpies,birds of joy.Those birds bent their beaks to the pond and began to drink greedily.And when I reached out my hand to capture one,they all rose up,beat their black wings in my face and flew up into the air,laughing. "Now you see,"the turtle said,drifting back into the pond,"why it is useless to cry.Your tears do not wash away your sorrows.They feed someone else's joy.And that is why you must learn to swallow your own tears." " -taken from the Joy Luck Club,by Amy Tan. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I have always beileved in a simply analogy...Don't let them see you cry.Sitffen up the upper chin,and trudge on with life...why give them the satisfaction of letting them triumph over the misery? Every month,I'd see her face grow cold.Hard lines and frowns never seemed to leave her face.She was once very pretty,but that was many years ago...But now,life has taken its toil on her..and she seemed to lose her purpose in living.I would often see her paralysed in fear and depression,unable to do anything...unaware of people around her.Sometimes,she'll cry tears of pain,anger,hurt and anguish.She longed for the day when the Lord would juz take her away,and escape from everything in this world.Even as I see her like that,I could feel her pain and anguish..and her helplessness.And I wondered,why such an person as I am...was powerless to stop it. Her face weathered,not by the elements of the weather...But by life's terrible storms.Indeed,life has been too hard on her,but who ever said life was easy?Her face slagged,she looked withdrawn and old.She became bitter,cold and unfeeling to everyone around her...But yet,I do not blame her...She was simply too wrapped up in her own misery to know.I tried to tell her,console her...led her back to living life with a meaning.But she was adamant,she refused to listen..convinced that God has turned away from her. "If you refuse to dig yourself out of that hole...No one can do it for you.I can walk alongside with you,pray for you,comfort you...but ultimately its your choice to pull yourself out,no one owes it to you to do that!"I told her,"Just go away..."she said wearily. I do not have the power to change the way people think...But God does.I've learnt and seen Him soften a hardened heart...and perhaps,He's working in her.But God uses people to come and interceed,I wonder...could I be of use? 0o0 Its easier said than done,isn't it?Goals which seem so out of reach...Sometimes,you feel as though you're able to reach out and grab the stars...But soon after awhile,reality sinks in,and you realise that stars are only there to admire,and will never be obtained by you. The projectionist's nightmare This is the projectionist's nightmare: A bird finds its way into the cinema, finds the beam, flies down it, smashes into a screen depicting a garden, a sunset and two people being nice to each other. Real blood, real intestines, slither down the likeness of a tree. 'This is no good,' screams the audience,'This is not what we came to see.' -By Brian Patten Ever wondered why some people seem to have this constant negetivity around them?As if their whole world was painted black,and the light in the end of the tunnel...is merely an oncoming train? Perhaps,they really have given up hope on themselves... Or maybe,they have already experienced so much disappointment that they do not want anymore.Thus,building up a little fanasty world for themselves..making themselves beileve that,"Hey,its ok...I'm not good enough anyway.",they do this to protect themselves...so as when the reality and disappointment hits,the impact is reduced.The mind is like the projectionist,creating small little refuge to hide in.It then happily settles in the comfy,cosy cinema to escape in the little world of make-belief. But somehow,along the way...reality finds its way into the cosy little world of self-pity...and smashes it,ruining all that they've created.There are some realities that cannot be cushioned by the blanket of negetivity.And when reality hits,it hits HARD.Its almost as if its paying back for all the blows which have been dodged and muffled by self pity surrounding the person. "This is no good...this is not what we came to see." Then...at that moment,the audience realised that no matter how much they claimed that they couldn't make it,deep inside them...they secretly and desperately wanted to change the situation,to proof to others...and themselves,that they can. It wasn't planned to be this way... Step by step, heart to heart, left right left.We all fall down...Step by step, heart to heart, left right left We all fall down like toy soldiers Bit by bit, torn apart, we never win.But the battle wages on for toy soldiers. I'm supposed to be the soldier who never blows his composure Even though I hold the weight of the whole world on my shoulders I am never supposed to show it, my crew ain't supposed to know it... -"like a toy soldier" by Eminem --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ever felt like a toy soldier?A simple,helpless wooden figurine placed in a box amongst tons of others...Your sole purpose is to provide entertainment for people.Perhaps,not really entertainment,but this song,in my eyes...portrayed the feeling for being used.People in higher authority than you simply guide you around,not truely caring about your feelings wadsoever.The wooden toy soldier(or plastic),with its face painted(or mounted) on.All you do is take in what's given to you,whether you enjoy it or not.You're not allowed to show it,or perhaps you can't. Things pile up on you,don't you feel helpless?Marching till it saps you dry,leaving you void of energy and resources.But the battle is yet to end,perhaps it will end one day...But for now,you've got a long way to go.The battle will never be won by you,for you are just a mere toy soldier,living in a seemingly beautiful packaged box.Overshadowed by others more wonderful and powerful than you are.The beautiful box which houses the soldiers,the manufacturers take special pride in producing such a beautiful box.People will walk past the toystore,and maverl at the exqusite set of toy soldiers.But they don't know it,do they?How is it like being a toy soldier?You feel like telling them,sharing your experience...But pride and indignity prevents you,also becoz you don't want the owner to pick you up and say,"This toy soldier is not good,its face is defected" and throws you away,tossing your future out and into the garbage bin. The owner desires perfect,obedient,straightfaced soldiers...and that is why you're not supposed to show it. Perhaps one day,the box will change hands.You'll get a new owner,and perhaps...Things will be different... But for now,the battle wages on....for the toy soldier. 0o0 |
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